Thursday, August 10, 2017

Playing the victim should not be a marketing ploy

I've seen it again and again and it pisses me the fuck off. Writers playing the victim, poor me big ol' Amazon is soooo mean to me. Me, me little ol' me struggling to make a dime, my poor kids, my poor dog, my poor cat. I'm a victim of huge mega corporation. What about the freedom to write what we want? Then the bloggers sticking up for poor little ol' author, it's LITERATURE, it's ART, it's not for huge mega corporation to decide if I can read this. Let's stick it to mega corporation, buy it!!!!!! And they will, authors will buy it, bloggers will buy it and all those people who want to stick it to Amazon they'll buy it without knowing what the fuck they bought. Without caring if the author is talented enough to have earned their money because it's about them wanting to support little ol' writer and her cat, and her kids, and her dog and OMFG fuck you and the dog and the kids and the cat. Congratulations smug blogger, and smug authors and smug woman/man on the street for sticking it to mega corporation and supporting a plucky little ol' author. You sure stuck it to big mega corporation Amazon and  congratulations, you've been grifted. 

Every single time this happens I want to get fucking violent (can you tell?)  I am so fucking sick of this. Especially because it keeps fucking happening, this isn't how you sell books. By doing something you KNOW won't fly and then crying about it later for sympathy, for your rights that are being violated (BULLSHIT), for the dollar you can squeeze out of those who are easily manipulated. 

These authors KNOW before they hit publish what will likely happen and they turn it around and they use it. Every author who is even THINKING of self-publishing to Amazon and is writing romance, or anything in that vein, erotica, erotic romance, knows the rules that Amazon has surrounding it EVERY SINGLE PERSON. You want to know why? Because we know of stories that have been pulled and we know if it's offensive enough they won't just pull your story they'll pull every book you have and shut you down completely. Completely. It doesn't matter if the other titles you have are children's books or cook books they'll close your account and say nope go peddle that shit somewhere else. You know why? Because they can. It's that simple. They aren't here for your free speech and your freedom of expression, they are a business and you have the right to write it but they are under no fucking obligation to sell it, to have anything to do with the shit you are peddling. 

I am so tired of watching writers con bloggers and readers behind a poor me, I don't know why they are being mean to me line. BULLSHIT. You know it because you've seen it. I'm sick of the bitching, other books do it, they are publishing it, oh it's because of big publishing company that it's still selling and if I were big I could too. BULLSHIT. You KNOW exactly what you are writing is pushing the boundaries of common fucking decency you KNOW it's pushing the boundaries of Amazon. You KNEW it and you published it and maybe it slipped by the censor at the gate of Amazon but someone was completely offended and Amazon said no fucking way. You KNEW it was a possibility and you did it anyway. DON'T fucking act like it you didn't know it wasn't something that could happen. If you really didn't want to make it a big deal and didn't want to make waves then you should have sucked it the fuck up when it got yanked, put it on the only the vendor that takes that shit and move THE FUCK ON with your life. 

But you didn't. 

You went crying to your Facebook page instead of a tissue and you lied when you said you couldn't believe it's happening to you. You whipped people into a fury for you and you're laughing through those false tears as you check your sales.

Congratulations on getting those sales after all. Congratulations on scamming people and playing the victim to sell your books instead of actual talent. 

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Do books like 'Dark Romance' help perpetuate the rape culture?

Once again a book with a dark romance theme is on sale and clogging up my Facebook feed. Five stars the announcement screams as it tells me to not miss out on this amazing, awesome, panty-melting read. stops me because just a few days before the blogger had shared a essay/article about nonconsent that listed all these horrible, painful, tear-inducing instances of rape and sexual assault. Even though I've been writing for fun since I was eight years old and to publish for the last five years I still consider myself a reader first. As a reader I have to tell you the books of dark romance where a woman is kidnapped-which actually happens every single day, sold-again every single day in the United States, forced to submit to sex whether she is kicking or screaming or lies there praying for it to be over-fucking again every single day in every state in America it makes my stomach revolt and my skin crawl to know people are selling these 'fantasies' to other women and making money off something another women is suffering from. 

I have tried, I have really fucking tried to keep my mouth shut in all of this. I tell myself it's just a story, but then I remember the meme about 50 Shades of Gray where it says: 50 Shades of Grey is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire If he was living in a trailer it would be a criminal minds episode. 

The problem with the meme is that it's clear the person didn't read the book in it's entirety and 'get' that the BDSM theme is the issue, she told him, I want to know about this I want to try it. Then she pulls a move of why did you do this to me. At no time as it was happening did she say stop, don't. 

I have absolutely no doubt the meme was created by a guy. I also have no doubt there are men like him who think there are women out there who are on the downlow hoping some guy pushes their boundaries and it sweeps them off their feet. 

Women have their fantasies guys have theirs. 

In all my attempts to keep my mouth shut I tell myself it's just a book, an escape from the mundane everyday. Just because I read books on serial killers doesn't mean I want a serial killer running loose, it doesn't mean it's glorifying serial killers. But doesn't it though? Hasn't the villain become the hero today, Death Wish, Dexter, anyone? Oh, but they have their reasons, it's just entertainment. So you're entertained by a woman held and made to be fucked against her will until she finds herself in love with this disturbed individual? Because you know she wasn't happy in her old life anyway and this guy, deep down isn't psychotic (the way raping someone would indicate) he only did it because he wasn't loved in the past but she loves him now so she fixed him. 


This is a woman's fantasy, guys take note. 

Here's the thing, you want to believe it's entertainment, just a fantasy for a late night read to work out the stress and the vibrator and get off and then the next day it's forgotten. But it's not, men know this is being read, they read the descriptions they read the themes, maybe they'll read the sample. Huh, so women are into this shit? I want to say for 9 out of 10 it's nothing but I think the number is probably lower more like 7 out of 10 guys they shrug and move on but the others they take note. They take note and they're the guys who think it's no big deal to send a picture of their dick and fantasize the woman will go 'omg, this dick I must have it immediately.' Not gross you creepy fucker. 

They are the guys who think it's okay to grope a woman in the subway or on the bus because it's a compliment to be wanted, for someone to want to cop a feel, to be attractive enough for the guy to take the chance. For a guy to force his hand up a woman's skirt or dress because he'll find out she's really wet because she really wants it but she doesn't want him to think she's a slut. Deep down women want this, because he's seen it, he's seen the kidnapped forced against her will book at number one on Amazon. I'm going to be the guy of her fantasy, I'm going to be the one she wishes wouldn't take no for an answer because he wanted her so much, because she doesn't mean no she means work harder to show me how much you want me. I'm going to start fucking her while she's asleep and as she wakes up she'll realize she wanted this, or this is the fantasy she had I'm going to make it come true and she'll thank me for it. 

You have your fantasy, guys have theirs.

Do I really think this will change anything for real? No, I'm not delusional enough to think there are enough people reading my blog to make an impact. Do I want people to stop reading and writing dark romance where a woman is held against her will and raped and somehow falls in love with her rapist and her love somehow transforms him not from a sick, twisted individual but a hot, sexy alpha male who loves her so much so it makes it all right? Yeah, I do (I just deleted this four times before leaving this in.) We are judged by the things we do, not by what we say. If you're reading a story of rape and abuse of a woman by a man while your daughter plays on the monkey bars and she comes running back and asks you what you're reading I'm sure you'll lie, that's a given. But when she's old enough to know, really know you read a story about a young women being fucked while she's tied to a bed unable to even kick or scream will you really be able to shrug it off as just a fantasy, something moms do to break up the mundane, the every day? Or how about if your son finds your book and reads them? 

You have your fantasy, boys form theirs. No guy wakes up one day thinking I need to force myself on a woman and that's what she wants. The idea is formed from the media, from books, from movies, from the world around him. 

I know these will never go away, I don't expect them to. But I know I hope one day they won't be clogging my Facebook feed or on the best seller list. Because I just don't find anything romantic about kidnapping and raping a woman.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Seeking publishing and I feel like I failed as an Indie

Finally, I'm done with my latest story. I've done an edit and still have one more to do before putting it in the hands of a real editor. Now comes the hard part, putting it in the hands of an editor... After years of screaming pay for editing or don't release your story I have the huge problem of not being able to afford editing. Right now, I can't even afford to think about paying for editing because when I do I get stressed out and pop klonapin that I'm running out of and can't afford to go to the doctor for a refill-that's how broke I am. 

Even in the middle of writing as the ending began to form and I began to wonder what the hell I was going to do when I was done. Slowly, painfully the answer is, if I want to publish this latest story, and I do. Then I need to find a publisher to pay for the editing and cover. To me this is crushing, I LOVE my editor I KNOW she makes me a better writer and makes my story better. I don't want to work with someone else. Crazy as it sounds the woman gets me-she must have experience in a mental ward. 

Then there's this thing of me being a complete and total control freak. For me the idea of handing over this story is like being pregnant with the spontaneous bursts of tears, happiness and anger. The heartburn, and sleepless nights then pain, screaming, and finally joy of birth then handing the baby away. (yeah, people who give their baby up for adoption are saints and should be treated as such) The idea that I'm going to hand it over and be left with nothing except cash is agony for what is left of my cold dark heart. 

Someone else will decide when it releases, have the last say on the title-this will kill me I'm in love with title-the cover and the price. I'll get royalties but it won't be as much. I'm trying to tell myself this is good, to try something new once who knows this could be a great experience, maybe this will give me more exposure. But none if it feels true, all I know is I feel like I've failed. I can't afford to take care of my baby and I don't want to keep and release it without the editing it needs to the best it can be. 

So yes, I've finished and will have a new story coming but when exactly I won't know. Hopefully six to eight weeks after figuring out how to write a damn query letter. Don't even get me started on trying to write a query letter.

Monday, July 31, 2017

On writing and the importance of the support of other writers

A few day ago, opening the story I've been working on for what feels like fucking forever I looked at it with loathing. Every word on the screen filled me with frustration, I was writing and had been writing for the last few days the ending (it was taking longer than it needed to because I hated it) that seemed right. Only it wasn't, it was all wrong so fucking wrong only I didn't know why exactly. So I let out a primal scream into the twittersphere out of frustration, simply needing to be heard not expecting anything back except maybe a 'been there, dear'. I got a response, at first I was wondering if the person was just being asshole. Then I was an asshole, to find out, of course. 

The response was not that of an asshole, it was a question that made me think about what I'd written so far. Which oddly enough, I had done but not really. I knew I'd gone off the path the story was meant to go but was blaming it on something different. I couldn't figure out how to fix it while leaving the something different in place-it was just as important to the overall story. Then it hit me, what was really wrong. As I thought about why it was wrong, it took exactly three minutes for me to figure how to fix it. 

After three days of pure hate for every word I was typing I took out a few stitches and was able to sew that shit back up, the right way for me. The interaction, as small as it might seem was huge for me. I would like to think I would have figured it out on my own but after how long and other words wasted? I'd actually shut it down and opened up another story waiting in the wings to work on. What if that person hadn't nudged me? Would I have closed it down only to open it up with more hate months from now and not fixed it? I kind of don't want to think about that too much. 

What I'm thinking is I miss my writing group. What I'm thinking is I'm thankful for that writer and all the writers who aren't on social media to be assholes but to support each other and help each other even if it's just a, 'hey, I see you too. It's hard but don't give up.'

Monday, June 26, 2017

Kindle Unlimited, feeling ambivalent

Well, here I sit after screaming to the sky for going on years now that KU is bad, awful, no good with 8 of my 14 titles on KU. I'm consoling myself by telling myself at least it's not all my titles. Then I wonder if maybe I should have just gone all in and not doing so will hurt me in the long run. It's been a rough weekend folks. 

Actually it hasn't been the greatest month. It started with me getting pneumonia and being fired for getting pneumonia because I couldn't even get dressed without having to give myself time to recuperate yet I was supposed to go into work? Ehh, on one hand that no daily income and medical insurance was a huge loss. On the other hand I had already been looking for another job and as it all happened while I had pneumonia and the entire week was a blur it kind of feels like I just woke up one day with no job. 

So no job, huh, writing but writing costs money and while I'm writing I need electricity and food and stuff so I am attempting to get another endeavor going and in so doing I get chatting with another writer who sells me on KU. There wasn't a whole lot of lists and points she needed to push other than saying she was making bank. 

The internal battle began, while I did make 80% percent of my money from Apple last year that was because of my 2 releases in May and June and my Christmas I was barely making $200 and I don't even want to talk about how much I've made so far this year it's depressing. Because the internal battle is this, if I keep writing, keep putting out a product people are looking and waiting for, then I can keep making a sustainable living and under those circumstance I do still hold that KU is made, all eggs, one basket, one person holds all the strings everything about that seems wrong. 

BUT I am not releasing right now, not even close to being done on the two titles I'm working right now. So maybe now is the time to take a chance and do something I wouldn't normally do. 

Often times apart from the good cover, the editing, every other decision you make is a crap shoot. So I will have to wait 90 days to find out how this roll of the dice works out. I'll let you know. 

Monday, June 19, 2017

Twitter Tips

Update and tips

Tips and etiquette that if you follow just might help on Twitter

I'm wasting time on Reddit/Self-publish and for what has to be the tenth time I see someone ask what's the deal with Twitter. It didn't work for them, should they keep trying, do they really need it? Every single time I know all the ways they have dropped a pretty important ball. So I'm just going to say, yes-Twitter is important and it's FREE and learn how to use it. 

1. DO NOT tweet your book over and over on the hour every hour. If I have shrugged and followed you, I will unfollow you. A few (2-3)times a day, MAX. 

 2. Retweet other people for fucks sake. This is not that hard, and don't tweet them musing on the peanut butter sandwich they're making. If they are posting a giveaway or something about their book retweet that, think of it this way, would you rather have someone retweet you bitching about traffic or the one of two times you'll tweet about your book today? It's so fucking not rocket science. 

3. Sure, tweet about traffic or your musings on Kim K.-if you must- but try and keep it as professional as you would say at work. It's okay if you joke with a coworker about the Biebs but you don't share every little thought-unless it's so damned witty you just can't help yourself, fine. Be your authentic self but there's ways you can do that without letting it all hang out. And as this about attracting and connecting with readers, really all of the noise in your head doesn't need to be shared with one and all on Twitter.

4. If this is your twitter for your writing don't do the politics, religion thing-just don't. I have unfollowed people who have gone there and I don't agree with. Yes, you have the right to your beliefs and I have the right to not hear about them by unfollowing you. 

5. Say thank you for the retweet, it's polite but if you ever want me to retweet you again-return the favor and don't tweet me bitching about my hair. Again, you know which tweet you want others to read, if I tweeted your promo check me out and retweet my book or promo. It'll take you three minutes tops and I just might tweet you again. 

6. Even better, say thank you to people who tweet you in #FF which notes people who are cool and retweet and people might want to follow them.

7. This a slippery thing for me and I admit I feel bad that I don't. People out there thank their followers but I don't because I have had to unfollow so many people that I don't auto follow back and it seems more rude to thank someone for following when I know I'm not going to follow them. If you are another erotica or romance writer then sure, I'll usually follow. If it's a blogger or someone who's bio says they like to read then I'll follow. But I'm not following the book quote peoples-my feed is full enough so I'm not going to follow. Also, those people who never ever retweet and are only following me because I retweet-nope not following you or tweeting your ass, it's called karma. 

8. Follow the writers in your genre, if you're writing science fiction do not follow and retweet erotica authors, this is the oddest thing I've seen happen. This might explain why no one is paying attention to your tweets. 

9. Follow bloggers, this will help you see what other writers in your genre are doing and what does and doesn't appeal to you. Tweet them as well, if there comes a time when you would like to ask them to host a spotlight or giveaway this will go a long way. 

10. Think of Twitter as a big party, if all you do is talk to about yourself and don't let others be heard your circle will grow smaller and smaller. If you're off in the corner not talking to anyone or even trying then you're not going to have a good time. 

Why I am not following or retweeting you back on Twitter

Interesting how I went batshit crazy while writing and editing for a week and barely opened Twitter only to find I'd gained several new followers. Because I know how important Twitter is and an important tool I did still do my best to retweet people who were kind of enough to retweet me because that's what I do. If a fellow writer retweets me I will retweet them (BTW pinned posts are great if you want people to retweet you easily) any way I do this because it's the right thing to do HOWEVER if I don't here's why.

Yes I tag my stuff EARTG for erotica which yes basically porn for most people, lots of shorts and reading one handed. Yet for me my writing is erotic romance, for me I have to be able to take away all the sex scenes and there still has to be a solid, heartfelt story or I don't write. That's the difference that I seem to be having a problem with on some people who follow or retweet me. I get it, it's hard and you want to do something to set yourself apart from others and do what you can to catch people's attention. But if you are tweeting pictures where tits and underbits are hanging out then no, I will not retweet you. If you are tweeting your cover or pictures with writing that talk about a pussy or cock or fucking then no I will not retweet you. There's a difference between sex and sexy and that line isn't the same for everyone, for me I don't think it's that hard to tell. But hey that's just me.

I've included this in another post but maybe you haven't read it, fine. If you only tweet about yourself or your books or quotes then NO I will not follow you back because all you want is for me to retweet your stuff without you returning the favor. This isn't rocket science, it's pretty basic if you want followers and you want people to tweet you then tweet them back and if someone has been kind enough to tweet you and follow you then return the favor. 

Friday, June 2, 2017

Ahh...the mansplaining to a writer

I don't usually do this but it pissed off me off enough so what the fuck, here is the copy and paste from the exchange. 
First of all this is a retweet group where you post your tweet and others retweet-how it's supposed to go really but people don't always get it. All I want/need is your retweet the way I did for yours, no comment wanted or desired.
But is struck me that first day and has been bugging me ever since  (hence me being on meds) at first it was, he's an idiot let it go. But also it was just as I said, women need other women-not men-writing romance for all women of different shaped and sizes. When you go into the clothing stores they are kind enough not to use short and fat they use petite-which means the exact same thing. And for a fucking man to think he needs to explain to me what petite means.....FUCK YOU. 
That this fucking moron states he writes erotic romance is quite frankly scary that he is plotting and putting words in a woman's mouth and that any woman is to believe it. If men want to write one handed shorts go for it but for romance, you have to understand a woman, care about women, what they think, feel, believe and the why behind all of that. 
Can some men do that? Maybe if like Wally Lamb you were stuck in a woman's prison for hours on end day after day and truly feel empathy for a woman then sure. 

And that is the problem so few men feel empathy period let alone for what a woman goes, through on a daily basis, the constant chipping away of self-esteem that happens just standing in the grocery store line at all the svelte, sexy, photoshopped women as they already spending a half hour to an hour just buying groceries, maybe the cookies that after looking at the photoshopped woman they either put back or end up eating two more than they really want because damn it the woman was photoshopped not real. 

Or the way they have to be mom, dad, teacher, house cleaner, driving, best friend, care taker when they just want some alone time and so they use that by climbing into a book where the woman isn't perfect, the man is hot and although love doesn't go smoothly it still goes. 

And that's why  I write. 
Ian Smith Teeny bit bemused trying to imagine a petite BBW 
Fiona Aina Murphy and its men saying things like that that are the reason women need women writers to write bbw
Ian Smith You mean a short bbw? Petite normally means small in every sense.
Fiona Aina Murphy petite means short period
Ian Smith Misunderstood. To me "Petite" means small and slender.
Fiona Aina Murphy Petite. For women 5' 3" and under

ReplyMay 8 at 11:58pm
Fiona Aina Murphy and again that's why women need bbw books and women writers who actually understand women period