Monday, September 21, 2015

Why I write

Why must you write?
The voices, Ann
The voices I cannot stop them
they come to me when I sleep
when I wake
when I sup
when I walk down the hall
The sweet longings of a maiden
the surging ambitions of a courtier
the foul designs of a murderer
the wretched pleas of his victims
Only when I put their words their voices to parchment
are they cast loose
freed
Only then is my mind quieted
at peace
I would go mad if I could not write down the voices
Are you possessed?
Maybe I am

That came from the movie Anonymous and although it isn't quite that bad for me the voices are there, the scenes playing out behind my closed eyelids as I try to sleep. So I tell their stories and for a while there is peace. Until the new ones want their turn. 
Yet, I also write for the same reason I read-to offer the escape of another world, of other possibilities, of dreams I didn't know existed. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Best laid plans

There was a plan, really there was. First there was the plan of ones dreams then I remembered how bad I am with deadlines and schedules and then there was a revised plan that was more fitting and I was sure it would go smoothly as planned. I want to laugh but it would come out as bitter and make me cough so I can only shrug. By this time of the year from December of last year I was supposed to have finished six, at the very least four stories for sale. One peoples, one whopping finished story. There are four other half finished stories, one going I don't even know where, one I'm looking at with faint distrust and wonder at how I started writing it and one which might, just might not be complete and utter shit. 

Don't think I shrug off the lack of being on schedule, I'm a writer that's not what we do. I have castigated myself on an almost daily basis until my confidence has me starting and stopping like a car with two hundred thousand miles and running on empty. It hasn't been pretty. 

Then it happened. As I mentioned I started a craptastic job to pay for the stupid asthma medicine and pain med for my arthritis and a doctor to prescribe those meds. We had to list one unique thing about us and so I went for and said I had self-published a novel-referring to my fantasy one, not the erotic romances. From almost every person there was a little bit of shock and awe and while I squirmed under their seeing me with new eyes I shrugged and mumbled the title and pen name and moved on. More than ready to change the subject but several didn't want to. Yes, I admitted it wasn't easy, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. A year to write (not mentioning that two months of that was me stopping swearing I couldn't do it.) then another six months of editing. Huh, okay I guess it is something to be proud of. 

Still the new stories won't come or I falter after a few lines. Until the other day it happened again, a guy told me that I had done the thing he most wanted to do. Finish a story and publish it, what was that like? The hardest thing I've ever done but the crazy thing is once you've finished the first one the next ones come easier. Hell I've done twice that word count in the same time frame. 

Finally the switch flipped. Just like I told him. The hardest part is also the most simple just sit down and write and keep doing it and don't stop until the story feels like it's out and then you can fix it when you're done. With my plans falling so far behind the doubts build until they become overwhelming but I need to remember, I've done it before and I can and will and need to do it again and I can do it. I just need to sit down and start. 

Huh, maybe it's time to sit my ass down and follow my own advice. Maybe.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Justified, I still miss you

'If you run into an asshole in the morning then you ran into an asshole. 
If you run into assholes all day long, you're the asshole.'




God, I love that line. I've used it often and it's cut short many an argument some idiot was trying to make. Timothy Olyphant is a sexy beast, and maybe, just maybe a muse to a certain free story-maybe. Long lean, muscles that flexed impressively when they had to, I loved that the most while yes there could be considered a fair amount of violence within the the show it was never blindly, used to cover a hole the writers couldn't dig themselves out of. In fact this was one of the best written shows I've ever come across-in like ever. (as a reformed couch potato I think it counts for something). Then there were the moments when there was no dialogue and it was just a stare off that spilled blood. 




These days it feels like there are no surprises and watching Justified I was often surprised and extremely entertained. It was clear, often at least to Raylan that he and the antagonist were two sides of the same coin and how he dealt with that especially when Raylan chose to step out of the clear lines of the law, especially as he had badge on his hip. Then there was Boyd who was just bad to the bone and embraced it without remorse towards the end. Boyd had some damn great lines himself. 




Sadly it is not yet on Netflix it's on Amazon prime and if you have it I highly recommend it. I have to admit I leaned on it often to catch the nuances of dialogue-the back and forth that moved the story forward. It was a huge help and there were entire seasons saved on my DVR box, truth.



The show was based on a short story called Fire in the Hole by James Ellroy and the first episode stuck closely to the book. I loved it from the first scene to midway through, and when it was over I knew I wanted more of this show. At the time I was toying with writing professionally, watching Justified it was a great prod to the ass, to want to be that good, to create a world that was totally living breathing and engrossing. 

A great entertaining show just to watch and an even better for a writer to watch and learn from.