Guilty confession time

I don't why it feels like a guilty confession but it just does. I love reading BDSM. HOWEVER, only by one writer. 

I've tried reading several other writers and they just didn't do it for me, even if the writing was good I just shrugged and was like ehh. I think the reason I feel guilty is because after I tried reading by other writers (and I tried I'm talking like 10-15 or so books) I was still totally against the whole BDSM thing and yes it's because I was beaten on a weekly basis by  my mother so badly I have PTSD from it. The idea of someone willingly being hurt by someone who was supposed to care for them, all I could think was that is one fucked up person and the Dom, oh yeah I had all kinds of hate for him. What kind of man gets off on hurting a woman? Was my thinking. I have an ex who was reading my stuff and we were talking about the whole 50 shades thing and he shakes his head and says 'Doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Hurting a woman doesn't make my dick hard.' If you've read me you know I use that phrase and it's because of him. (there he gets the mention he always wanted)

So the whole BDSM thing, nope even though yeah I'll admit I am definitely submissive in the bedroom. (not a revelation if you've read my stuff) Also it just seemed like more a bother than anything, the nipple clamps, ouch motherfucker no, and the whole kneeling thing and crawling no fucking way. I shrugged it off and my thought was if that's what turns you on that's cool, it's none of my business it just isn't my cup of tea so I'll drink something else. 

But then someone wrote a review and compared me to Cherise Sinclair, on Abby when I first wrote it. Huh, cool I thought I would love to know more about who I'm being compared to. So I read a free one, the first in the series, Club Shadowlands. It was actually interesting and better than I read before but it was rather short and although I liked it there was no this awesome and she changed my mind. It was better than okay, I'd go three stars but not like great or anything. It was kind of short too and I assumed that's how all of the stories were so I shrugged and moved on. 

Then I got a mention by someone last year, a different reader who also compared me to Cherise Sinclair and gave me all kinds of love for it. So I broke down and bought the first in another series Master of the Mountain and OH MY GOD.  It was so damn good, amazing writing so good that by the end of the story I straight up went back to the beginning and started reading it all over again (I've only done that once Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.) And just like the first time it got me hot and bothered and ahh, and sighing all over the damn place. 

Do I think I write like her? Hell if I know but I fucking hope so because she is so good I've bought five other books-I would buy more but my budget for book buying isn't as big as I would like it to be and they are soo good I'm good rereading them. I LOVE books I can reread. 

If nothing else I hope I'm like her because she wrote something so well it changed my mind and I finally get the BDSM thing. So much so for a hot minute it was actually appealing-but for just a minute no crawling on the floor for me but that's the thing to be so good it makes someone rethink to feel differently...that's magic. As writers I believe we all strive to make our readers feel, to connect to step outside their world and into the ones we created and never want to leave. So yeah, confession I read something and stepped into a world I never thought I wanted to and while I'm reading I never want to leave.