Kindle Unlimited, free books and knowing your worth

Two weekends ago I'm not doing what I should and I'm on Facebook and a post from a blogger comes through: How many people have gone to download a free book only to find out you already have it in your Kindle? The response was a heaving mass of yes followed by lol and haha all the time. The laughter grated on my nerves as I thought of the book I had to edit to the best of my ability before submitting to a publisher because I couldn't afford to release myself. So I posted: And this is why as an author putting your book out for free feels as if it devalues what you've written.

There was a response pretty quickly from someone. Basically all kinds of defensive but if I love the book (once they actually get around to reading it) then I buy ALLLLL the books....hmmmmmm

I responded with this VERY carefully crafted response: That's great, really but every single comment supports the reasoning for not putting books out for free, I have a permafree title but for every 100 books downloaded for free I'll be lucky if 10 people actually read. I spent $300 plus on editing, $150 plus on a cover and months writing and to give it away for free and it get lost in someone's kindle is the reason why so many writers wonder if they should even keep writing and selling because if they are giving it away for free and still can't get people to read what they write then why bother.

The blogger was basically the same as the person who commented all love for free and appreciations and then she floods the writer of the book with love and money.....sure ok. 

That why bother, I left the question mark off on purpose it wasn't a question. It's how every writer feels after they get done with a freebie and see they 'sold' or rather gave away a huge chunk of books and if they are lucky they see a return of maybe ten or twenty percent tops. Because people downloaded the books for free just to have it. Then promptly read the book they paid for forgetting the freebie. Do they even consider it when looking for something to read in their catalog? I don't even fucking know anymore. 

With Kindle Unlimited my thought process was I don't have any significant income coming from the other places so without a job and someone going on about how great Kindle Unlimited is would it hurt to try it? My thought was the borrows would be actual reads which would turn into buys but it didn't work out quite that way. There were some buys but actually pretty much the same amount as for the last few months so there didn't seem to be an uptick. In a late night freak out I folded and my entire catalog is on KU. And now I know it was the wrong thing to do. 

I've gotten a few more reviews but considering how many reads I've gotten I actually can't think about it too much because it makes me very seriously want to cry. People are going through almost all 14 titles and still aren't writing reviews. Which just fucking floors me. It's amazing they want to read them but if you like them enough to read them you can't leave a single fucking review saying you like it enough to read through my catalog?

Then I fucked up big time, I did the math. Less than a half penny a page .004 and some shit. I did the fucking math and I'm missing out on, as of 8/20, over seven hundred dollars if the books had sold at what I have them priced at. No more math, I'll lose my shit. I'm trying to tell myself to chill, some money is better than none. Is it?

I don't fucking know. I really don't. I swear doing the math and writing it right now it makes my stomach churn with tension. All that money lost that I won't get back. I do know I'll be pulling all my titles from KU when the 90 days are up. I feel like I have to in order to not lose my fucking mind over it. While I look at what I've earned so far I don't know if I can really say the money is worth what I've given up without return from the readers I've 'gained' from KU. 

The relationship between readers and authors should be symbiotic a positive response from the reader sustains the writer to keep writing whether it's a series or standalones but it just doesn't feel like it's that way anymore. The writer is being forced to give and give without return whether it's money or reviews as positive response. The reader is taking what they believe is their due-how do we owe the reader any more than a good story and their money's worth? Why do I owe the reader my book for less than a dollar? A book they get more than two plus hours of enjoyment from, a book they get to reread whenever they want. And I have had multiple reviews and readers telling me they loved the books so much they reread them, sometimes as soon as they finish because they loved it so much they didn't want it to end. Isn't that experience, that book worth more than a dollar? The book I ignored my friends and family and almost significant other to write. The book I paid to have edited out of my own pocket at a cost that has me eating ramen, eggs for dinner and breakfast and from the dollar menu for a 'treat' day once a pay check every two weeks. 

Yes, I would write if no one read but that doesn't mean I don't think it has value, that I as the writer don't have value. 

Writers often refer to selling their books as pimping, which makes sense since we are selling a part of our selves in every book. Here's the thing though, I'm no trick on the street. I'm not selling a quick fix. You want quality you pay for it. I know what I'm worth and it's not .4 of a penny.