Monday, March 27, 2017

Still

I'm back...due to love and hella unselfishness of a 16  year old, my little sister! I have a laptop again and can now write again!! I couldn't believe she told me she wanted to buy me a laptop saying, "Whatever your dream is I want to be able to help you do that." *tear*

Of course it wouldn't be me if there hadn't been some sort of what the fuckness happening and it did. I went online ordered, it came only three days later and I was so excited until I opened the box. Umm...all I could think was this looks nothing like what I ordered. That's because it wasn't, not even a little. Not about to lie if it had been better than what I order I would have probably kept it but alas it wasn't even close. After sending a very distraught email then an even more frantic chat with Amazon it all was cleared up pretty quickly. I went online and ordered again. This time delivery was long and painful-over ten days from hitting buy until received today. Now yes eyes might roll and mumbles of first world problems only it wasn't really a first world problem. It was an anxiety fraught ten days where I very seriously lost five pounds and spent many a tear stained night. Why?

Because after so long without a computer and being able to write whenever I wanted and yes needed to I started having some serious doubts. I began to wonder if I had lost the ability to write well. What if I couldn't do it anymore. No ego I'm really happy with my last two books and truly believe, aside from Abby they are the best things I've written so far.  As the weeks have passed two stories have been spinning around in my head yet I felt I couldn't nail down pretty important specifics which before had come easily. Between want and need the plans I have would be on a tight schedule even without me being a world-class procrastinator. When I factor that in and the stress of an insanely low paying day job where overtime is a necessity to pay bills, not an option my stress has doubled. How am I supposed to write while working overtime to pay my bills, let alone cover editing. What if in the short time I wasn't able to write anything other than crap?

Then my step-mom of all people told me what I've always told other writers, 'you can always rewrite.' I remembered at that moment how many I had to rewrite His Under Contract before I was happy with it. The stories have still kept coming, as they have since what feels like forever, it will be up to me to write them down. Whether I have a laptop or not and could write it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a writer. 

Still Fiona writing the happy endings with some hot sex thrown in. 





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