Sunday, May 8, 2016

Don't cry about it on Facebook, fix it in real life

I will start by saying I do hate Facebook. I dislike the casual sharing of intimate moments that invite comments of approval. I dislike the constant spotlighting of ones self with the need for praise. I hate these things because I learned a long time ago the only person whose opinion should matter is my own. If I'm not happy with something I've done then five hundred people liking it isn't going to make it better. It took a lot of years to get that, I'm not going to pretend it didn't. For years I was a martyr, trying to please people so they would like me and I took genuine pleasure from making people happy. A part of that is the reason I don't like seeing other people do it, it is a slippery slope to start walking up and I never want to go back down that road again. 

That means when people post personal things I usually ignore it and keep scrolling until I get to a funny meme, a sale to share or something about writing I like. It's why I don't post much in the way of anything personal, my life is not up for liking or passing judgement on. Yet still I see it, people posting rants about how hard their life is and how they hate everything and everyone and they are miserable and it's because of horrible people who have pushed them too far and they can't take it anymore. And when I see it I shudder and usually I unfollow the person. Sounds shitty, yeah but the reason why is because I was that person once. I wanted to help and have people like me and I often I did want to help people but I'm not anymore because as so many things do there came a breaking point. I was miserable, depressed, I wanted to run and hide and never see anyone ever again. Then I had an aha moment, this was all my own doing. Me saying yes, me accepting the way I was treated all led to me being miserable because people were taking advantage of my willingness to say yes. I was trying to be helpful, I wanted to do the right thing but the right thing wasn't right for me. Here is a universal truth people don't want to believe in, people are inherently selfish. Some people are going 'not me!' others are nodding sadly because they've found it out the hard way. But it's true. While I do not believe people go out of their way to be selfish at the heart of the word is self, if it is going to help them, make their lives easier then people are going to use something until the button breaks and sometimes that button is a person. 

So if you are miserable please don't bitch about it on Facebook because I couldn't give a fuck and you ranting like a five year old without a nap about it will probably only make me unfollow you not send you a stupid hug emoji. Stop, just stop and think about every single thing you want to bitch about and figure out how you are to blame and then stop doing it. Did you offer to read someone's book and write a review and they didn't do the same for you? One, SHOCKING, two don't do anything you don't want to do and have the time for. If you are running behind on edits, your kid's costume or cleaning and doing something for someone else would put you behind then DON'T fucking offer. If someone asks you then there is this AMAZING thing called saying no. 'I would like to (lie) but right now I have too much going on to properly give it the time it deserves.' Then move the fuck on. Did you offer to spotlight someone or they asked and you did it and now you're upset they didn't return the favor? Again SHOCKING and two make it clear before you accept it's quid pro quo, sure I'll be happy to, when will you be able to spotlight my title? 

I know you've seen it and you chuckle probably because you don't know what it really means but you should learn it and you should live it. Have zero fucks to give. Basically, just don't care what other people think of you, whether it's the neighbor who judges you for taking your kids to school in your pajamas or the other moms who judge you for taking store bought baked goods to sell. Here's the basic question did you not doing something harm anyone, or hurt anything of value or importance to YOU? Not anyone else, to you. If not then LET IT GO and move on. 

In the writing world the support we get from fellow authors is important, I'm not saying it's not but your support doesn't have to be anything other than what works for you. Maybe sharing on Facebook and retweeting is easier and quicker maybe you have a blog and you need to fill your page once a week because writing a blog every single week is time consuming so it actually helps you out BUT if it doesn't help you then DON'T DO IT. Don't offer anything you don't have one hundred percent time for and if it isn't going to be reciprocated doesn't bother you. It's like loaning money, I only loan money if it doesn't put me in a hole, one, and if two, I am okay with never getting it back because there are no guarantees in life. So if a fellow author will think you're mean for saying no to reading and reviewing their new book-who cares? You aren't mean, you are doing what you need to do for you. And if she/he bitches about you not reading and reviewing then guess what? It frees you up from doing it for someone else you don't have time for. Then if there comes a time when it fits into your schedule and life and you offer to do it for someone then it actually means something. That is what should be important, is what you're doing mean something to you and if it means it's taking away from living your life the way you need to to make you happy then don't do it. 

This is your life and you have to take responsibility for it, the good and the bad. 

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