Saturday, May 2, 2015

Visits from the little green monster

It's bound to happen, it's actually pretty normal I would think. You get a hold of a book that everyone is screaming is awesome you read it and go ummm... WTF because mine is so much better than this and it hovers at the one hundred thousand sold ranking. Or there is that one writer who has so many errors you want to fling your Kindle across the room in exasperation but no one bitches about her and you're sitting there with the grammer, punctuation nazi writing 2 star reviews on your ass. (BTW I love how when people write those their one paragraph always has at least one error-so you can't get it right in one paragraph and you're gonna bag on several hundred paragraphs that have six or seven errors? SERIOUSLY??) Sorry, yeah it's a little annoying. However I will admit after getting back my stories and seeing the red that was on every single page the thought of cutting my throat and letting it bleed all over my computer flashed-holy shit what had I done and would I ever get anyone willing to read anything I wrote again. Yet then I went back and read and even as mistake ridden as they had been I was once again reminded that mistakes or not there were readers who were kind and patient enough that they went from one story to another and I hadn't had as many vicious rants about errors that I would have expected for how bad it actually had been as I read through them. So, I could be called one of those annoying ones, I had errors and still there were people willing to overlook them and come back for other titles. If someone had read me they would have been shocked, annoyed, and maybe yes pissed that I had good reviews and their book the one they did pay to have an editor go over was languishing in the hundred thousand spot of sellers. It can be difficult, especially when you worked so hard and aren't seeing the results you were hoping for. 

Yet that's no reason to let jealousy cloud your plan and you do need one-please say you have one-even if it's just keep writing. Maybe that's the best plan there is, to keep writing and block out all the other stuff. Don't worry about what someone else is doing, worry about you. You have no idea what it took for that person to succeed, maybe they've been writing for ten more years than you, maybe they wrote another genre and have fans from that, maybe after toiling for more years than you they just flat deserve it. Could you're writing never take off, yes and the question will be will you have regretted the time and effort you put into it? If the answer is yes then you aren't doing it for the right reason. 

Personally, I think jealousy-a little bit-can be a good thing. It can kind of prod you to look at what you're doing with new eyes, are you doing the absolute best, is there something you could be doing but aren't, maybe you can take a look at the other person and get some pointers. I grew up with three brothers and I have always been a competitor, it wasn't reward based praise I needed it was, ha! I beat your ass. (the therapist said it wasn't a big deal, I had bigger issues to deal with) 

As I mentioned in a previous post what stuck a prod in my ass was seeing someone do well and all I could think was, no fucking way because I could do sooo much better than that. 

We all have our buttons that get pushed. I think the most important thing is what do we do when they get pushed?

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