Saturday, May 24, 2014

Work life balance

I will admit that I am failing miserably at finding a work life balance and I'm not talking about my day job because it just feels like where I spend half my day in a blur. The day job does make it harder to write and actually have a life though. The weekends used to be for running errands, catching up with family and friends and the dreaded cleaning.

I'm going to be completely honest and admit I didn't have much of a life even before I started writing. I've always been a bit of a loner, I'm loyal but honest and I have smartass mouth that oddly other women don't really like. I have a few women friends but they have kids and I always feel like their family is more important so I hated asking if they wanted to catch a movie or try out the new place I'd heard about. I have guy friends but when they have girlfriends the girlfriends get all jealous and I'm out. So going out was sporadic and it didn't bother me in the slightest. I have no problem catching a movie on my own and I usually preferred staying home and reading over a crowd anyway. But at least I talked to my family and saw them about once a month.

In the run up to prepping my books to go out and the deadline I had set, I completely lost track of family and friends. It was my birthday during that time and two people said they wanted to take me out to celebrate. I went still and I nodded but in my head I was screaming, "No, that's time I could be writing. No, no, no." They said call them and let them know and I nodded and just didn't call them. Not even for a free lumch that hopefully would have included cake did I dare step away from the laptop. I went months without talking to family out of state (the thing about that is that hey, they have my number too and they didn't call me) I felt guilty and then annoyed about feeling guilty.

My apartment wasn't a sty but it did look as if someone had been living here and just suddenly walked out and away. Only the bare minimum was done and I cringe when I remember the weekend it took to get it back to right. Right now I'm trying not to let the writing suck me back in but I just lied to a friend and said I wasn't feeling well when she asked if I wanted to go see Godzilla, which I do want to see. But I'm half-way through a story and I know I can finish it over the long weekend.

The work life balance is hard but I have to figure it out because if I'm not careful I won't have much of a life once I need it when I step away from work.

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